きらっくです。
あなたは、コミュニケーションを取るときにこころがけていることはありますか？
たとえば、じぶんのはなしばかりにならないようにしたり、聞くときに相づちや返事のしかたでこころがけていることです。
今回は、コミュニケーションを取るうえで”はなしを聞くときの態度”についておはなしをします。
最後までよろしくお願いします。
結論
そのために、適切なタイミングで、適切な質問をすると、人生の満足度はあがる
相づちと同じくらい質問も大事
相づちも大事だけど、じぶんのためにも質問することが大事です。
なぜなら、相づちだけではあいてからの信頼はえられないからです。
あいてのはなしを聞くときに、あなたも相づちはしているでしょう。
しかし、相づちだけではコミュニケーションとは呼べません。
なので、相づち以上にたいせつなことは、あいてのはなしのなかから質問できることを探し、質問することです。
理由として3つあります。
- 質問するためには、あいてのはなしを理解しなければならないこと
- 質問によってやる気があることを評価してもらえること
- だれかに説明するときに役立ちじぶんの成長にもつながること
じぶんにとっても、あいてにとっても質問することはメリットしかないのです。
わたしの質問のしかた（実例）
質問のコツを1つ教えたいと思います。
コツは”なにを目的にしているのか1つ決めておくこと”です。
わたしの場合、あいてのはなしに対して質問をする1番の目的は、自己成長のためです。
2番目に、円滑なコミュニケーションを取るために質問しています。
たとえば、友人との会話だと
昨日あんまり眠れなくて、今日は寝不足だー。
そうなの？
なにか心配事でもあったの？
そうじゃないんだけど、じつはね、、、。
友人との会話では、円滑なコミュニケーションを取るために質問をしています。
もしかしたらこの先の会話次第で、じぶんの成長につながる話題になるかもしれません。
ではつぎの例です。
この行為は危険なのでしないでください。
なるほど。
ではこの行為をすると”こういう理由”で命に危険をおよぼすこともあるのですか？
その通りです。
実際に命をおとしているかたもいます。
なるほど、気をつけます。
ありがとうございます。
”こういう理由”のところで、じぶんの意見をまじえつつ質問をします。
なのであいてのはなしを理解していなければ、じぶんの意見を言えないのです。
じぶんで理解して考えることで、だれかに伝えるときもうまく伝えられるでしょう。
ただし注意点として、2つあります。
- あいてのはなしの腰を折らないタイミングで質問すること
- 掘り下げすぎないように質問をすること
それぞれ簡単にせつめいします。
質問するタイミング
1つ目に、あいてのはなしの腰を折らないタイミングについてです。
あなたは会話の途中で質問されるとしたら、どのタイミングだと答えやすいでしょうか。
たとえば、たまご焼きの説明をしてみましょう。
- まずはたまごを出して、お椀に割り入れます
- つぎに、下味として砂糖と塩をそれぞれひとつまみいれます
- あたためたフライパンに油をいれます
- かき混ぜたたまごをフライパンにいれます
- かたちを整えつつたまごを畳んでいきます
- お皿に盛りつけてたまご焼きの完成です
この説明であればどのタイミングがベストでしょうか？
たとえば1番目の「まずはたまごを出して、」のところで質問をすることはしませんよね。
たまごを割ろうとしているところで、「これからたまごをどうするのですか？」とは聞きません。
せめてお椀に割りいれてから「これからどうするのですか？」と聞くはずです。
となると、あいてのはなしの腰を折らないタイミングというのは、言葉や動作がひと段落ついたタイミングです。
あなたが質問をするときも、あなたが質問されたいときもあえてタイミングを作ってあげることで、あいての質問を引きだせます。
質問をさせるということは、あいての理解度もわかります。
またやる気も引きだし、しごとに対する質もあげることができるのです。
はなしを掘り下げすぎない
2つ目は、あいてのはなしを掘り下げすぎないということです。
研究者は別として、1つのことに対する質問は2つまでにしましょう。
1つ目の質問はじぶんだけでなく、一緒に聞いているひとにもタメになります。
さきほどのわたしの会話を例にすると
この行為は危険なのでしないでください。
なるほど。
ではこの行為をするとこういう理由で命に危険をおよぼすこともあるのですか？
その通りです。
実際に命をおとしているかたもいます。
このように1つ目の質問によって、危険な理由と命に影響することを共有できます。
しかし次の質問をすると
その通りです。
実際に命をおとしているかたもいます。
では、年間どのくらいのひとが命をおとしているのですか？
具体的な数値はわからない。
というように、ほかに聞いているひとには、必要な質問ではなくなります。
もしあなたとあいての2人ではなしをしているのであれば、2つ目の質問は良いでしょう。
ただし、3つ目の質問はやめましょう。
理由は、もとの会話から離れすぎてしまうからです。
1つの区切りに対して質問は2つまで、もしくは後ほどもう一度質問をするようにしましょう。
まとめ
適切なタイミングで質問をすること。
適切なタイミングを意識して質問させること。
この2つを知っているだけで、あなたの対人関係はよくなるでしょう。
また対話には、あいて7割、じぶん3割で対話することが好ましいと言われており、聞くだけでなく質問をすることで自然とこの比率にできるでしょう。
ぜひ参考にしてみてください。
最後までお読みいただきありがとうございます。
きょうもわたしはあなたと出会えて「運がいい」
ありがとうございました。
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